Bottom’s Up! (How to Enjoy Anal Sex)

Written by on 06/14/2013 in Sex for Couples

My boyfriend turned over this morning, spooned into me and whispered romantically into my ear. . . “Butt sex?”

“Excuse me?”

“Go on, we haven’t done it for ages.”

Anal sex?Afterwards, I got to thinking about the whole subject of anal sex, which is nowhere near as taboo as it used to be, and yet when I say the words to a group of my girlfriends the most typical reaction is a wince. After a brief discussion with them, the general agreement was that due to the prevalence of anal sex nowadays in mainstream porn and erotica, a lot of men now see it as part of an everyday sex life, whereas for many women it remains either a no-go area (often due to a bad experience with an over enthusiastic guy, or because of the possible “ick” factor) or an area they would like to explore, but aren’t sure how.

The main complaint from those who had tried and rejected it was “it hurts.” And most of you will be familiar with the “Oops, it slipped” trick!

Yet anal sex can be extremely pleasurable for women, if you–let’s face it, he–takes his time and allows your body to go at his own pace. It can be an extremely intimate experience. Personally, for me it’s something I’ve only ever indulged in within a close loving relationship. Strangely for an adult actress, I’ve never filmed an anal scene. Some things, I feel, should be private!

So here’s a few tips for enjoying a first anal experience.

There’s one thing you need to know and will make all the difference to you enjoying your first attempt at butt sex: lubrication. Lubrication for anal sex is essential, as the anus has no natural lubrication of its own and the skin is thin; attempt anal sex dry and you’re likely to tear. A bad first-time experience has the potential to put any woman off for life! So before you do anything else, stock up on lube; I really can’t stress this enough. No amount of spit or your natural vaginal secretions will cut it, you need a proper lube.

There are plenty of lubes available that are designed specifically for this purpose–generally thicker in texture than regular lubricants–and will make the experience far more comfortable for both of you. I wouldn’t recommend going for a lube that is designed to desensitize; if you can’t feel what’s going on you might tear and not feel the pain until the effects have worn off. My personal favorites for this are lubes that contain aloe vera, which is naturally soothing. I usually shop for lubes at, or in the US, visit babeland.

Your body will be more receptive to anal play if you’re already highly aroused or better yet have already had an orgasm–the whole area will be more relaxed and open. Then make sure he starts by inserting his fingers. Remember the golden rule: use lube! Start with one finger, preferably his pinkie, and ask him to insert it slowly. When you’re ready, he can add the second finger. Combine the anal play with clitoral or nipple stimulation. The anus functions best as an erogenous zone when these other areas are also stimulated.

Get into position. Although most people think of anal sex as taking place from behind, one of the best positions–especially for first-timers–is actually missionary, with your legs raised as high as is comfortable. Access is easier in this position due to the angles of the penis and the anus and it also prevents his penis going deeper than you may like. Ease it in slowly; your sphincter muscle needs time to relax. Ask him to pause when he’s entered you just a little and stay still. This gives your anus time to relax.

When you’re ready, ease the rest of his penis in slowly, and then you can begin to find a rhythm that’s comfortable for you both. If you’re meeting quite a bit of resistance, ask him to take it extra slow and enter inch by inch, pausing after each to allow your muscles to relax. Once he’s fully in and can begin gently thrusting, your body will open up and over time you’ll probably find you’ll be wanting him to thrust a bit more rigorously.

Keep up the clitoral stimulation and you should soon be having a great time!

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