Hanky Spanky

Written by on 08/16/2013 in Sex for Couples

BDSM spanking tipsFetishes have become massively popular, encouraging couples to try new things and expand their use of sex toys beyond the traditional use of vibrators and dildos. In Fifty Shades the female character is introduced to bondage, exotic sex toys, and the erotic power of female masturbation. A bit of kink is fast becoming the norm.

Everyone has a fetish of some kind, from the most mild to the most outrageous. A popular fetish for many people is spanking. Even if you don’t indulge in other forms of BDSM, most of us will be no stranger to a cheeky slap on the ass during sex. A lot of men seem to get the urge to give their partner a playful tap on the butt when having sex doggy style, for example. There’s just something about an upturned pair of buttocks that makes you want to spank them. This urge isn’t anything new–some would have us believe it’s a public schoolboy thing–the Kama Sutra goes into great detail about spanking techniques, and there’s an Etruscan tomb from the fifth century BC with an illustration of a woman bending over and being spanked. We seem to have been doing this for a while. Personally I’m a big fan of being spanked as part of foreplay and during sex, and as my partner is definitely a butt guy, it works for us.

Spanking is pleasurable for many people because it has naughty connotations and feels a bit “kinky” and also on a purely physical level; the act of spanking causes increased blood flow to the buttock and genital area, promoting arousal and greater sensitivity, in turn promoting more intense orgasms. Either partner can be spanked, although this is often a male-on-female fantasy. It works well with roleplay so how about pretending to be a boss and secretary, or master and slave? Laying your partner over your knee works particularly well with the fantasy element, but if either of you is uncomfortable with this, lie down somewhere comfortable on your belly, with a cushion under hips so the butt pops out, ready for his/your administrations.

If you’re intrigued by the idea of fantasies and role play involving spanking and you like a good erotic read, check out www.blushingbooks.com. They publish erotica in various genres from historical to futuristic, but they all feature spanking.

Begin with light kneading and rubbing of the buttocks, and add some dirty talk if you are role playing. For a pleasant sensation you can use warm oil or sex lubricant on the butt cheeks.

Begin lightly, and with lots of pauses and rubbing of the buttocks in between strikes to build up anticipation and make sure your buttocks aren’t stinging too much! Then, when the spankee is highly aroused you can build up speed and intensity. For the first time, don’t push too far. If your partner enjoys this and you think it could be a regular practice, you can buy special spanking paddles for a different sensation. Have a look at www.spanking-paddles.com where you can even get wooden paddles engraved with single words that will leave a temporary rendition on your skin. You can also try the flat end of a hairbrush, a belt wrapped around the hand, or my personal favourite: get the spanker to wear leather gloves. Spanking is all about sensations and stimulating blood flow, so play around and find what feels best for you.

Some women also enjoy very gentle spanking of the genitals and breasts, to stimulate blood flow gently to her erogenous zones. It’s worth having a conversation before you get down to it about just how far you want him to go. Finally, decide on that “safe word.” After all if you’re role playing, you might use words such as “stop” or “no” as part of the fantasy, so there’s obviously room for confusion. Deciding on a neutral word beforehand prevents any misconception.

And so you’re ready to go. Happy spanking!

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