We hear a lot about how men are primarily turned on by visuals and women by fantasy and tactile stimulation. . . but his ears (and yours) are erogenous zones too. I’m not talking about nibbling or fondling them, though this can be very nice, but talking to each other. I’ve never met a man who wasn’t turned on by a woman talking dirty–it’s why phone sex lines are so popular.
If you’re like me, however, you might find the idea embarrassing or hate being put on the spot. That may surprise some people given my former profession, but for a long time the only way I could utter a word during sex was if I had a script. As soon as you hear him utter those words Talk dirty to me, you’re at a loss for anything to say. The only thing that springs to mind are cheesy porn clichés.
Let me let you into a little secret: those cheesy porn clichés are exactly what he wants to hear. You might prefer an elaborate fantasy, or convincing compliments, or at least something raw and relevant to the moment, but your man will be quite happy with “give it to me, you stud,” even if you do have to resist the urge to giggle while saying it.
One thing you definitely should not do is to use cute pet names for his penis during sex, especially if said pet name is along the lines of “Mr. Dinky.” Even if he’s decidedly below average in size, he wants to feel that you are in awe of his manhood. Men are very touchy about this sort of thing. They are also generally much more intelligent than we give them credit for, so don’t rave and squeal about how huge they are if he knows he’s not. A well-timed “your cock feels so good in me” or similar during sex will boost his ego as well as his erection and make him more eager to please. Some more examples of erection-boosting and reasonably believable compliments could include the following:
I love the way you fuck me.
I can’t get enough of your cock.
I love feeling you inside me.
If you’re cringing right now, bear in mind that there’s a reason why female porn stars can be heard spouting similar lines–men get off on it.
As with most of the advice I’ve given on communicating with your other half, simple and direct is best. Something along the lines of “fuck me harder” or “lick my pussy” for example will both turn him on and allow you to tell him what you want in a way that he won’t take as criticism.
If you’re quite comfortable talking dirty you can take it to new levels by articulating his favorite fantasy, just remember to focus on explicit details rather than trying to tell him a story (so “imagine I’m riding you in the front seat of your car wearing that skirt you like” rather than “we go for a drive down a country lane and I’m looking gorgeous in a little black dress. . .”) or if he is the literary type read him a piece of erotica–either from your favorite author or write your own starring the two of you. If you’re good with words but still suffer with feeling embarrassed talking to his face, then give him a sexy phone call while he’s on his lunch break.
A few well timed moans can also egg him in the right direction if you’re still uncomfortable talking dirty. Even if you’re naturally quiet even in the throes of orgasm, a soft “oh yes” in his ear accompanied with a little nibble should do the trick. If you tend to be vocal, then lit rip and go for it.
Though do have some consideration for the neighbors.