There are many benefits to being an adult, but perhaps the best one is finally being able to talk openly about sex. Up until adulthood, it is one of those taboo subjects that everyone is talking about but you are not allowed to comment on. By the time we are ten, we’ve probably seen it online, heard it in music, or even thought about it. However, bringing up the topic to our parents would have caused panic and most likely punishment.
Now I am an adult and I feel safe enough to say I like sex.
It took a little while to come to that. Mainly, it took two children and a committed relationship–but it’s better late than never, right?
I like sex, and that is okay.
Redefining Sexual Confidence
I consider myself a sexually confident female.
Before I continue, let me define what I mean by sexually confident. I do not mean the Oprah definition of feeling attractive and sexy. For me, sexual confidence is not loosely related to swagger.
I define sexual confidence as awareness, a realization, perhaps, that sex is natural, beautiful, and fun. I don’t cheapen it to something taboo, I don’t apologize for enjoying it, I don’t use it recklessly, and I’m not afraid of it.
Because I am a sexually confident female, I understand the power that I have that stems from sex. I also realize the implications of playing with something so powerful. Sex can bring tears and laughter. It can create life and death. It is pleasure and pain–and we hide it in the closet.
We Are Confusing Our Daughters
Society tells our children that sex is fun, because it is. We tell our children that sex is bad. Our children then believe that sex, like the cookies we hide in the back of the pantry, is some special treat that they aren’t allowed to have.
Not explaining it better is actually harming the next generation of girls.
In the mind of a young adult, adults exist to make their lives difficult. We are rule-making enforcers who don’t know how to have fun. There is such a disconnect between adults and teenagers at times that it is just plain frightening. Teenagers feel like there is a conspiracy against them having fun, and most of them will do whatever they can to have fun despite their parents’ advice.
So why are we surprised when our girls grow up to become sexually naïve nineteen-year-olds? It is completely our fault that they do not understand the immense awesomeness that is sex.
How Did You Learn About Sex?
I learned about sex from cable television, music videos, and the Internet–mostly the Internet. What I learned, though, was disturbing. I learned that sex is all about the good feelings a man receives. I learned that the worst possible thing that could happen from sex is getting pregnant. (Thanks, Tupac!) I learned that women who enjoyed sex were sluts. I also learned a few choice bad words.
What I did not learn was how to prevent STDs, what a female orgasm really was, the effects of childbirth on a woman’s body, and the ability for sex to join two people together emotionally. Those truths I sought out as an adult.
What We Have to Do for Our Girls
If women want to retain their role in sexual society, we have to prepare the next generation of females. Our daughters must understand that sex is natural, powerful, and fun. They must understand that it is okay to enjoy sex, and that it is also okay to be picky about whom you share it with.
We have to tell them that with great power comes great responsibility, without glossing over the fact that sex is powerful.
Even if you don’t have a daughter, you probably know a young twenty-year-old who could benefit from the wisdom of sexual knowledge.
It’s time we start talking.
I am going to focus my next few articles on how to have that conversation with younger adults without coming across as creepy. Don’t worry: there will be no bananas involved. I’ve tried that route; it only makes them giggle.
In the meanwhile, post your comments below and let me know what you think!