I assume there aren’t many people who can say, “I’ve had sex with a tentacle.” I have not had sex with any monstrous invertebrates (nor do I particularly recommend doing so). However, I have had a romp with the Icicles No. 24 from Pipe Dreams–a pretty, pink, glass . . . tentacle.
Is it a monster’s tongue? Is it a squid’s finger? Maybe it’s a merman’s thick member? My husband and I were in the market for something a little different, and this was such an undeniably weird find. Role playing under the sea? A rendezvous with a monstrous lover? It got our creative juices flowing, to say the least.
First and foremost, No. 24 doesn’t particularly look like a sex toy. Unlike some of the other members of my toy box, it’s easy to mistake it for an odd paperweight. I accidentally left it out once; the maintenance guy came over, had a look, and commented on the “quirky sculpture” I had on display. The toy’s curvature is strangely artistic, and the “curl” at the end is a rather ambiguous handle. Glass toys tend to have a lovely aesthetic, in general, and this toy is a cutie.
However, it doesn’t feel like a normal sex toy either. The shape of the tentacle is not like a penis. No. 24 is a plump guy, and my vagina’s initial reaction was, “What in the world have you put inside me this time, woman?” This is primarily due to its abnormal circumference. Being a glass toy, it has absolutely no give–it’s hard as a rock. Your body has to accommodate its unusual shape, and that’s that. So, if you’re an inexperienced lady, you may want to stay away. I’ve been married and sexually active for quite a while, but this toy left me strangely sore. Typically, I have to welcome soreness with rough play. I was not rough with No. 24, but I felt the aftermath, and it wasn’t a pleasant soreness. It was a weird soreness.
It’s hard not to refer to this toy as a “little” monster. Strange, considering the soreness, right? Well, this monster is not monstrous at all when it comes to length. He’s oddly shaped and rather stubby. I found four inches, maybe four and a half, to be insert-able. I didn’t let him in my back door; I would not consider this toy a strong candidate for anal play. The curved handle could likely serve as a safe base, but this toy earns a 0/10 on the comfort scale. Try at your own risk, and don’t say I didn’t warn you on that one.
The texture on No. 24 is interesting. If you’re into texture, he’s got plenty to spare. The top is covered in predominant bumps and they felt surprisingly good. This was not subtle against the skin; you feel these bad boys–every single one–both on the way in and out. I enjoyed the way this texture felt against my skin externally as well. Being a glass toy, it’s a great candidate for a little temperature play. Stick him in some ice water and this little monster maintains a chill for a good while. I’d imagine warming him up might make the whole “monster tongue” thing a bit more realistic, if that’s your flavor. Like most glass toys, he’s very easy to clean, which I always consider a big perk. Hell, if you’re feeling particularly lazy, you can toss him in the dishwasher (although I wouldn’t recommend doing so with dinner’s dishes).
So, what does it feel like “on the inside”? Does it do the job well, or at all? While my husband seemed pretty interested in the whole process, I was left questioning the strange sensations in my nether regions. It was a lot like the first time I ordered octopus sushi: I was a foreigner who had no idea what on earth she’d gotten herself into. In the end, my taste buds were confused, and I regretted not getting a Caesar salad.
No. 24’s price tag is around $40 to $60, so I didn’t want to dismiss him after just one try. He’s obviously a water-inspired creature, so I invited him into my bubble bath. Would he prove to be Poseidon? Sadly, no dice. He still fell short. Again, the texture on No. 24 is quite interesting; this aspect offered some pleasant sensations, both internally and externally. However, I found this to be largely drowned out by the unusual circumference. Perhaps this wouldn’t have been an issue if the material itself was plush rather than glass.
Like octopus, maybe No. 24 is an acquired taste. It’s doubtful that I’m going to give him another chance; I just don’t see this toy overtaking my favorite treats any time soon. It’s definitely a conversation piece–whether it’s a paperweight or a plaything. If you’re looking for something unusual, this toy might be right up your alley. Otherwise, you may want to stay clear.