Using Sex Toys with Your Partner

Written by on 10/04/2013 in Sex for Couples

Sex toys for girls are de rigeur. Ever since Carrie from Sex and the City extolled the virtues of the Rampant Rabbit every modern girl is pretty much expected to own a vibrator. And though sex toys for straight guys are increasing in popularity, many men still feel slightly uncomfortable about the idea. Which seems slightly unfair, when we all know how much men love a handy gadget. The solution is to find sex toys you can use with your partner.

If you’re already comfortable using your toy in front of your partner, the next step is to use them with him (and on him, but we’ll come to that). Sex toys can really enhance your orgasms, expand your repertoire of sexy tricks, and most importantly, they’re just fun. If things have been getting a little heavy and intense in the bedroom nothing lightens the mood like pulling out Roger the Randy Rabbit, complete with sparkly balls.

You can use your toys together by:

  • Giving yourself clitoral stimulation during intercourse. You get an orgasm, and he doesn’t have to multi-task.
  • Run your vibrator lightly over his balls and the tip of his cock.
  • If he likes that, apply more pressure with the vibrator to his perineum–the area between his ass and balls. It’s a sensitive spot for a lot of men. A bit of firm pressure here can stimulate his prostate gland (it’s like the male equivalent of the G-Spot).
  • Mimic giving a dildo oral in front of him for a visual tease.

There are also plenty of toys on the market that are specifically designed for couples. My personal favorite would be the vibrating cock ring, and you can find them in all sorts of styles.

cock ringCock rings fit around the base of his penis and/or balls and claim to give him a harder erection and help him last longer. You can also find double or triple rings known as cock cages. They look like torture devices but should feel snug and pleasantly tight, prolonging and enhancing his orgasm. Get your hands on a vibrating cock ring with an attachment designed to sit on your clit, and you both get an extra buzz, as well as hands-free clitoral stimulation. Combine one of these with a clitoris stimulating sex position such as the CAT, described in Sex Positions to Make You Go Oooh!

remote control vibeAnother brilliant toy for couples, which he will love if he likes to feel in control and gets a kick out of giving you pleasure, is the vibrating, remote-controlled egg (right). This goes inside your vagina, and he can use the remote, which usually work up to a good few feet away, to turn the vibration on and off and up and down. Can be loads of fun, and make that trip to the in-laws much more interesting.

BDSM is enjoying a bit of a mainstream revival, and there are a whole load of toys and prop designed for couples to use, from spanking paddles, whips, handcuffs, gags and–my personal favorite–nipple clamps. If you’re going to experiment with any of these, make sure you have a “safeword” in place–a neutral word that means “get off now.” As there may be times when your–or his–mouth is full and you can’t talk, try some kind of tapping system that indicates the same thing (see my earlier article on deep throat or read more about BDSM in Kinky Sex).

If you’re strapped for cash or fancy an impromptu session but don’t have anything to hand, you can always improvise:

  • Hair ties make perfect cock rings. Choose one that’s snug but doesn’t dig in to the point of cutting off his blood supply.
  • You can use a silky scarf or other soft fabric wrapped around your hand to add to the sensation when you masturbate him. For a kinky twist, take off a pair of satin knickers in front of him and masturbate him with them.
  • Lubricated beads can be used for the same thing. Ensuring both the beads and his bits are well-lubed, wrap the beads around your hand while you masturbate him–being extra careful around the head. Sounds bizarre, but it can feel great. I’ve even used my meditation beads–not sure Buddha would approve!

Even though I’ve just bombarded you with an array of possible toys and ways of using them, remember that it’s about you and your partner, not acquiring the latest toy. Toys and props are great and really add variety but remember sex toys should be a compliment to a fulfilling sexual relationship, not a substitute!


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