X-Men and My Sex Life

Written by on 07/31/2013 in Humor

Wolverine by Lizard PuddingThe comic franchise X-Men has been like the Barry White of my sex life. It sounds silly, but X-Men has been in the background of a lot of my major sexual interactions. As a little girl, I watched the cartoon on TV and read some of the original comic books (yeah, I’ve always been a nerd). I crushed on the brooding anti-hero Wolverine and spent time wondering what my mutant power would be and if the other kids at Professor Xavier’s school would like me.

I had my first real make-out session with my middle school boyfriend in the back of a theater during the first X-Men movie. To be honest, my childhood Wolverine crush paired with a shirtless Hugh Jackman probably helped that one along quite a bit. The first conversation I ever had with my high school boyfriend was about X-Men, and I should have known then that his love of the villains was a bad sign. Still we dated for six years after that, and to this day still call each other up and talk about X-Men sometimes.

Later, when I was in college, my girlfriend and I would sit in the bookstore for hours reading the latest X-Men comic books together. We’d cuddle in her tiny dorm-room bed and watch the movies, which at that point had morphed from a single summer blockbuster into a whole series of X-Men movies.

Fans of any franchise develop a secret language together, and maybe that secret language helped me get laid. Being pretty nerdy myself, my choice in sexual partners has always leaned toward someone I can play a round of video games with when we take a break from sex. By the time I was finishing college, I could tell if I was going to like someone or not by who their favorite X-Men character was. Maybe surprisingly, I have never roleplayed as X-Men characters in the bedroom. But I wouldn’t be totally opposed to the idea (You be Wolverine, I’ll be Jean Grey, baby).

My current partner, who is fabulous in every other way, doesn’t read comic books. At first I was skeptical (What do you mean you don’t have a favorite X-Men character?), but after several happy years together I’m beginning to wonder if X-Men has finally been phased out of my sex life. The comic franchise re-boots became too convoluted for me to keep up with, and I haven’t seen the newest installments of the movie franchise. I can’t tell if it was X-Men or me that changed; most likely both. There is still a possibility X-Men might crop up again at some point though.

Maybe I’ll ask my boyfriend if he wants to try that roleplay.

Illustration by Lizard Pudding.

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